There is no feeling quite like the feeling of staring down an empty page, proverbial pen in hand. That first mark is full of so much expectation: will it mar the whole piece or be the start of something beautiful? At least, for me, anyway. I tend to forget the grey area between and, oh yeah, the fact that you can start over. So here I go, about a year after creating this blog component to my website and then dutifully ignoring it.
I choose my first markings to be those of honesty and transparency. For most of my life I have felt isolated. When I was younger I was called a space cadet and often retreated far into my own thoughts, not finding much interest in what was going on around me (except, of course, the goings-ons of a few friends who I still love to this day).
I found sleep was a weird spectrum of conscious. I often felt stuck in parts of the continuum, needing to fight my way out. But along with the difficulty came vivid imagery and a sense of color and movement that I wouldn’t have traded for anything. As I got older, these struggles contributed to the defining traits of which I developed my own artistic style.
Still, life can sometimes be too much to bear sometimes and that is why I am writing to you having just discharged from a 3-week stay at a mental health facility. I think that is really why I decided to begin this blog when I did. That, and because a friend who was helping me look over this website kind of laughed (chuckled, maybe?) at the empty space. Or maybe I imagined that. Honestly, I have a hard time keeping track of what is real anymore.
But here I am. Alive. Maybe worse for the wear but time will tell. I want to tell my story but it will be on my terms as I am ready. In the meantime, I found- and continue to find- that art is what steers me back home. I drew nearly every day until I discovered that I enjoyed creating collages from the stacks of magazines and catalogs available to us. I created affirmation cards from them; a cryptic image on the back of a note card with an affirming statement on the front, reassuring me that my place was on this earth. I included some at the end in case you are struggling yourself (or in case you just want to see some collage).
So here begins my story. I can’t promise I will update this blog every week or even monthly- but I will as I am ready.
I am of the greater natural world where each root and stone is a confidant, each tree a confessor. So long as they exist, I will never be without a friend,
I feel love in the rain and the trees. The wind writes poetry just for me. My trust is in nature and its soul is in me.
The time we have is precious.
The sun finds a way to reach its hands deep into the water. Let them pull you out. You are not ready to drown.
You are a new soul. Learn from others and learn from your ancestors and be patient with yourself as you navigate this new gift.
So there you have it. I promise this blog will grow to encompass techniques and other new creations but for the time being, I’d love to hear any affirmations you use and would be willing to share.